no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
