explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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