maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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