He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
