i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
