Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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