she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
