My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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