mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
