May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
