Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
This house was built for laser tag.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
