there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
