$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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