My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
