I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
