he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
