I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
