ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
