I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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