I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
