i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
