you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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