Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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