You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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