I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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