i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
