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I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
