Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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