I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
