I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
