I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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