Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
