I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
