my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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