Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
