he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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