i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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