I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
