Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
