even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
