My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
