I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
