I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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