It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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