I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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