Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
