so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
