i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
