i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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