My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
